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The basis of this new attitude is what I call "smart love." Paul describes this kind of love in Philippians 1:9-10: And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.

Smart love constantly grows and deepens in its practical knowledge and insight; it opens our eyes to see God's best for our lives, enabling us to be pure and blameless in His sight.

I could so easily say "I love you" to a girl, feigning selfless devotion, but in truth, selfishness and insincerity motivated me.

I was primarily interested in what I could get, such as the popularity a girlfriend could give me or the comfort and pleasure I could gain physically or emotionally from a relationship. I lived "dumb love"—choosing what felt good for me instead of what was good for others and what pleased God.

Until I can do that, I'd only be using that woman to meet my short-term needs, not seeking to bless her for the long term. Instead, by avoiding romance before God tells me I'm ready for it, I can better serve girls as a friend, and I can remain free to keep my focus on the Lord. Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. I looked out for my needs and fit others into my agenda. But when I reversed my attitude and made my main priority in relationships pleasing God and blessing others, I found true peace and joy. When I stopped viewing girls as potential girlfriends and started treating them as sisters in Christ, I discovered the richness of true friendship.

Knowing What Is Best Waiting until I'm ready for commitment before pursuing romance is just one example of smart love in action. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God. When I stopped worrying about who I was going to marry and began to trust God's timing, I uncovered the incredible potential of serving God as a single.

Over the past four years, I've come to understand that God's lordship doesn't merely tinker with my approach to romance—it completely transforms it.

I wanted God's best but hadn't been willing to play by His rules.Now, for the first time since its release, the national #1 bestseller has been expanded with new content and updated for new readers. Each January he leads a national conference for singles called New Attitude. But I still feel the ache of having given away my heart to too many girls in my past.Honest and practical, it challenges cultural assumptions about relationships and provides solid, biblical alternatives to society's norm. Chapter One Smart Love Beyond What Feels Good, Back to What Is Good It was finally here— Anna's wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months. "But then I was struck with this sickening thought: How many men could line up next to me on my wedding day? That's Just the Way It Is Growing up, I considered dating an essential part of the complete teenage experience. This started in junior high when my peers and I treated dating as a game, a chance to play at love and experiment with relationships.Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna. Going out with someone came to mean you made out with that person, too.Anna felt her lip beginning to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. I remember standing by as a girl I liked called her boyfriend and broke up with him over the phone. That meant we were an "official couple." Looking back, I can only shake my head at how immature we were.Sentimental Gush The Message paraphrases Philippians 1:9-10 this way: "Learn to love appropriately.